Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Struggles With...

Evidently, when Struggles goes out of town, things get interesting. It's not just a concert, it's an adventure.

Struggles, president of Team Awesome, took Wild Kat to see Bruce Springsteen in Charlotte.

You'd figure the concert would be the story. Well, you have to ask them about a $5 bag of chips, Jagermeister, an uneven sidewalk, an offer of chicken and the stench of sweat. No, that would have been too easy. You see when we struggle, the struggle must be worth it. The struggle must make us question our karma, think about past sins now come due, strand us on the highway, make us orphans in Hickville and wait for friends to come rescue us for three hours in a quaint little local watering hole.

Somewhere inside Virginia, near a God forsaken place called Hillsville, the Struggle Mobile broke down. It broke down real good. In the words of the mechanic, "It's fucked."

We got the call. Where are you? Oh shit. Hillsville, Virginia to be exact. Total Estimated Time: 2.0 hours 25 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 153.89 miles
Well, poo. There goes our evening. And to boot, the Lakers are playing. But friends are stranded. I hate being stranded above all. Off we go!

Team Awesome spent three hours waiting for us, eating fine cuisine at Three Cheers.

They looked like lost orphans. They resorted to beer and bad food. Struggles began with this sentence:"I ate fried pie."
After we howled with laughter, we asked how it was: "Horrible." They laughed like they were punch drunk. Struggles would pause, hand covering forehead, and say with disbelief: "I ate fried pie." When desperation sets in, we are amazed at what we do to kill that ill-at-ease feeling.

Three Cheers had strange people in it that "looked like they want to eat your brain." Don't ask, I don't know. I just knew-"get out now."

Team Awesome now looked like Team Struggles with Karma.

But that wasn't all. Team Stranded needed to get their luggage from Bert's Garage (132 Expansion Dr Hillsville, VA 24343)

So, leave Three Cheers bar and try to find the garage where Struggles' car was taken.

Well, my friends, Team Awesome became Team Dumbass as we wondered about looking for the garage. At one point, they said, "Here, take this gravel road." Having a healthy sense of gloom and doom, I asked, "This road doesn't drop off a cliff, does it?"
"Have you seen the Hills Have Eyes?" And as we drove into the dark, at first gravel, then dirt road, it came to a dead end. Good move, Team Exlax.

Out on the main road, up, U-turn and then Bert's garage. Team Short Bus had to gather their luggage. It felt a little like Wrong Turn meets Dawn of the Dead.

Spartan, remote and creepy. I'm sure during the day though, it's only creepy.

The rain pounded us as we wound our way up the serpentine WV Turnpike. Gigantor trucks were the worst: huge, splashing rain beyond the capacity of the wipers along with mist that made the road completely invisible, except for the reflective markers. Talk about hoping for the best. Team Tired-and-Punchy were most entertaining and made the trip enjoyable.
A total of over five hours later, we pulled back into sleepy Kanawha City, safe and sound from the horrid metal mist monsters, the dreaded Turnpike, ghastly fried pies and far from the friendly city of Hillsville. We said quick goodbyes and let Stuggles borrow the Explorer so that he could take Kat home; plus have something to drive in the morning.
What did we learn, kids?

Sometimes even Team Awesome


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You, my friend, are the modern epic poet. The only thing that could have made it better would be for you and Haze to have been on the ill fated trip, rather than the heros of the ill fated trip. It's been said many times, but is worth repeating, "Karma is a bitch!" Thanks again.