Saturday, February 24, 2007

the whole movie thing

I am very finicky when I go to the movies. When I go, I do not want to be disturbed. I want to be totally absorbed in the cinema experience. Suspend disbelief? Nay, I throw it out the window before I even take my seat. That's how seriously I take it.

Why don't I ever learn? Well... maybe this time I did. I think the enjoyment is gone for me.

Me and the Eclectic Wife rarely go to the movies, but when we do, it is always because of my infantile badgering. I had to see the latest Hannibal Lector installment, being a huge Hannibal fan. Well, it's almost a psychosis really. I should be medicated and counseled immediately, but that will never happen because people only get glimpses, never the full picture. But I digress....

I could say that the whole world has to the doghouse, that manners have disappeared, that no one is remotely concerned about anyone or anything...blah blah blah, but you know that already. The downfall of civilization is everywhere and mooks coming to the movies is so commonplace.

We usually get there early enough to purchase the large popcorn, large sodas and candy-we are a health food nation, yes? Then after finding seats, we watch the ten minutes of trailers and then without fail: the mooks show up.

Mooks are people who talk, chatter, comment, laugh or generally make disruptive noise throughout a movie as if they are at home or at the local bar. Usually, mooks are of the teenage variety. Two or more guys or two guys and one girl mean the whole cinema experience is down the toilet. And always-they sit behind us. Arrrgh!

This time, a 50ish pony tailed dude and his mother, I am assuming, sit only one seat away from us. People, let's count the patrons now. The total is five. The entire theater had only three occupied and these mooks want to snuggle with us. The woman keep leaning forward then back so many times, I thought she was having a medical emergency. That was weird and a tad bit annoying, but Sir Ingest-A-Lot was worse.

Mook Ingest-A-Lot was not a teenager, but an adult. The dude must have brought his own food because as SOON as the film started, he began to dig into his bag 'o goodies. Nothing wrong with that, but the plastic he had the goodies in was like continuous static. Even the E-Wife turned to look at him.

"What is that jerk doing?"

"Wrestling a plastic bag?"

Crunch, crackle, crackle, crunch.

"Is HE eating peanuts?" She had a wee bit of exasperation in her voice.

Crunch, crackle, crackle, crunch.

The mook had to be aware of the noise he was generating because when the film got soft, so did the crackle and the crunch of the peanuts.

Crunch, crackle, crackle, crunch.

All the while, the Hannibal story is unfolding at a slow pace, Captain Crunch over there is driving me nuts. But then!

Suddenly, as if the sky opened up, Captain Crunch gets up and is gone. Hurrah!

Hannibal Rising trodes along with some good scenes and finally winds down to an okay ending. Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal remain at the top of the franchise.

It is near sundown when we leave Le Cinema Plex. The Eclectic Wife has this way of summarizing with total acumen:

"As far I'm concerned, I'd rather just rent a movie and watch it at home."

She's right. The whole cinema thing is just a reflection of how far civilization has fallen. Everyone thinks it's their right to make as much noise as possible and totally disregard the people around them. Just drive on the interstate or go grocery shopping. Or go to a movie.

Rock on, old girl. I'm with ya. I'm a homebody for good reasons.

Let the mooks ruin it for others. I'm finished with the movie thing.

That is

until the next movie I want to see comes out.

Then, only then, well....

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