Friday, October 28, 2011

My Thin Rhinoceros Skin

Distrust anyone who wants to teach you something.
~Robert Fripp

I get lots of emails. Most of them are very nice. Some of them are not so nice.

Rhinoceros skin. I suppose that's a common metaphor to say that a person is not overly sensitive or thin- skinned. I am not particularly thick-skinned by any means, but after I calm down from my homicidal state, I can see that most of these disturbingly critical emails and phone calls are pathetic cries for attention. That still does not quell my homicidal rage. Sometimes it rolls off my back and sometimes the audacity is simply jaw-dropping.

Engineers get special communications from know-it-all blowhards who insist that it's our fault when reception is poor. One idiot actually said, "I am an Audiophile (his caps) with a gifted ear." I'm not kidding.
It's all our fault and we deeply apologize for whatever is wrong
with your lousy reception out there in TV land.
One idiot repeatedly told an engineer he had issues and our guys actually drove out to his bleamin' house. Lo and behold, an aerial on his roof was supposed to suffice in this digital age! He wasted state resources, so that he could garner attention from us.

The delightful people I sometimes hear from are not just rude, but condescending.


Classical music listeners are the worst. To believe them, you might think I just stepped off a turnip truck and my best shot at writing my name is an X.

They wish to educate me.

Seriously? I bow to my friends in their respective fields and in no way, shape or form am I the baddest dude in music (or academia), but most of the time, I feel comfortable among my peers. That's what matters most to me.


One college prof blowhard said he didn't want his students listening to me because I mispronounced (in his opinion) a title of a work. I have news for him: college kids are more concerned with hooking up and rolling doobies than listening to public radio or to his terminally dull lectures.

Then there comes the offer "to help."

No thanks, Mr. Bowtie. I'll pass on the tutelage.

It is the utter presumption of superiority that drives my blood pressure into dangerous zones.

The worst of them may be the ex-announcers who sit around and latch on to every mistake. This one guy kept calling me and while he had a friendly tone, I kept catching his little put downs. These conversations continued because I try to respect all callers, but soon the devil came through the mask.  I was a gentleman and never said anything until one day he stated, "I would listen to (xxx station in a bigger city), but I can only get it in my car."

I held my tongue which wanted to unleash, "Then get in your car, motherfucker and quit calling me."

From that day forward, I never allowed his calls to be forwarded to me, only voice mail.

Not to further drink of poisonous thought, but there was one ass from the northern part of the state who made it his mission to piss me off or bring a downer to an otherwise happy week. I found out that this guy applied for my job and was turned down. He even gave money to ensure his position.

Well, he failed to get the gig and punished me for it. Most of all, he wanted attention. A really poisonous person by my reckoning.

Of what then did ye learne?

This is one of many reasons I enjoy my weekends, vacations and a genuinely look forward to retirement. I imagine myself staring vacantly at the ocean on some forgotten part of the Outer Banks. More than slightly blotto from an aged rum and a real guarantee that my inbox will be filled with happy, friendly emails from friends who want to come visit my island bungalow.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

When the ghosts ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
American Horror Story on FX. Watch if you like to be scared. Dark, sexy, freaky and convincing.

Excellent cast, great pacing and ghostly thrills.
Jessica Lange should get the Emmy.

This is NPR: Negative Public Relations

Lisa Simeone has been canned from Soundprint because she attended an "Occupy" rally.

Geez guys, after Juan Williams, you might want to keep from making such PR blunders, but I guess you didn't learn your lesson.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Home is Where the Hero Lies

Damian Lewis (Band of Brothers) plays a
marine who has been rescued from terrorist
captivity, but has he turned?
SHO's Homeland is daring and compelling. Damian Lewis is a chameleon who can go from looking like the nicest guy in the world to a man who looks insane.

Claire Dane plays the CIA agent who own zealotry borders on mania. She's convinced that this is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Mandy Patinkin (btw, who is notorious for leaving in the middle of productions) is the doubting Thomas reining in Dane and her unfounded suspicions.

Who is playing for who? Nothing is as it seems. Trust is hard to come by.

There's already been one character goneski.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Canceled

NBC has canceled freshman drama The Playboy Club.
I'm a little. but not a lot surprised.


"Playboy Club's cancellation comes after the drama premiered Sept. 20 to underwhelming ratings, attracting 5 million viewers and a 1.6 rating in the advertiser-coveted adults 18-49 demographic."

Ratings, not sexplotation, killed the bunnies.

"The series faced a backlash almost from the start, as the Parents Television Council called for a boycott and urged sponsors to pull out of the show that starred Amber Heard and Eddie Cibrian in a 1960s-set story about the Chicago Playboy Club and the bunnies and men who loved them.



Seven advertisers exited the series in the series’ second week after PTC president deemed the show a “commercial disaster” and called for the network to cancel the “degrading and sexualizing program immediately.”

Really?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

To Badly Go Where None Dare Go

Sonny Bono's 1967 Inner Views is now a real contender
for worst album ever made. Scientists are studying this
as we speak.
I consider myself to be very amateur student of bad film. Two boxsets of Drive-In Classics and Horror Classics on the home DVD shelf are not there just for looks or an outward sign of ironic hipness. My wife and I have watched a majority of these bad, bad cinematic examples for the sheer pleasure of bad cinema. This interest extends to bad music. To clarify, not the bad music I hear at the local super market (formulaic Nashville, Emo, etc.), but music that was produced with serious intention.

Today, my colleague played me a track from this album.

Dear Lord! When they were punishing William Shatner, they were aiming low. Sonny Bono (God rest your soul) may have made the worst celebrity lp ever.

"Pammies on a Bummer" easily tops anything on that sacred document of Shatneralia.

Did Bono not hear the awfulness or was he just cashing in on the moment of popularity?

Whatever the reason, once you make vinyl, it's forever.

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Rhetoric of Arrogance

This hateful son-of-a-bitch asks the most outrageous of things from
record companies: fair payment of royalties. How ridiculous and
presumptuous of this menace. Let him eat cake!
So, you kids dreamed of being a professional rock musician? Be glad the gods never punished you.


From the RF diary Thursday, 29th September 2011 :

Now, onto OMG! – it’s UMG. The latest development in this sad example of a large company, making a series of mistakes which it initially denied, then grudgingly fiddled with and acknowledged some culpability, followed by more denials, obfuscations, threats, bullying and an Outside Lawyer Man sent in to settle with us for a fraction of what is properly due. An Outside Lawyer man because the issue is not worthy of UMG staff’s time, let alone the time of Power Possessor Numero Uno.



Nevertheless, the three principals of two small companies, Panegyric and DGM, are themselves dealing with the repercussions of deliberate slipperynesses at considerable cost to our creative and business endeavours. Guestbook posters who ask – why don’t you do XYZ and undertake these wonderful wheezes to delight your loyal and engaged customers? – now have one clear answer as to how several worthwhile projects are not projecting, with or without a K: we are being diddled and dissed by the largest music group in the world.


When we act badly, we hurt other people. When we know we have acted badly, and persist with the course of action generated by our bad behavior, other people get more than hurt: their sense of decency is offended, their confidence in social and professional norms undermined. Where the larger business culture accepts bad practice as standard practice, such as in the music industry (within my direct experience), and financial services (some within and mostly without my personal experience), the larger society becomes unsustainable, in the longer term. In the medium term, there is increasing breakdown. In the short term, there are resorts to conventional forms of redress, both formal and informal.

Friday, October 07, 2011

More Tube Stuff

OK, I watch commercial television. Call me low-brow. I don't own a jacket with patches on the sleeves either. I think it's got the best writing right now, particularly cable. Don't know why, but it does.


"Hey, let's see what Dexter is up to tonight!"
 PBS is only a fraction of what we watch. Guess what PBS? The British programs are the best programming on your airwaves. Shouldn't that say something? You better get more compelling (Laurence Welk is a joke that even SNL mocks.) and follow the example set by cable or you will go the way of the eight-track tape.

1. Revenge. That little slam against PBS being said, there is something artificial about network TV. ABC's Revenge is a great example. While Emily VanCamp does a delightful turn as a woman out to destroy despicable Martha's Vineyard snoots responsible for the ruination and death of her father, there is something almost too predictable and clean about this show. Network TV has this way of making everything look so perfect that only the best actors can penetrate the sterility.
 Madeleine Stowe does a great turn as the ice-bitch-queen of the Martha hive. Imagine if HBO had done this show. Now that would be a real fun time.

My rating: not bad, but let's rev it up a bit.

Critics have been praising Dechanel
as the goofy, but lovable, Jess on
New Girl. I liked the false teeth she
insisted on wearing to a wedding.
2. New Girl. The premise is kinda loopy: hot, but goofy to the point past annoying, girl, Jess (Zoey Deschanel), is a recent victim of a romantic breakup. She needs a place to live, so there's these three guys who happen to have a room for her in their apartment. Sounds mighty thin? Yep, but Deschanel is a hoot as a dorky misfit. The writing is good so far, but I'm not sure this is going to last.

My rating: Not bad and keep the laughs coming.

3. Terra Nova. I had low, low expectations for this one. Like SyFy channel low. CGI dinosaurs better be mighty convincing or I'm wincing. Premise: earth is dying (we done kilt it. them eco-assholes were right. huh.) and conveniently a hole in the fabric of time (I'm wincing here) allows folks to go back 65 million years when the earth was new and filled with large dinos. The novo society not only must  survive the raging carnivores, but a rogue group of people who split from the tribe to form their own society. Overall, it's not bad. I could skip the ubiquitous teen-love interest storyline, but the youth demographic prevails in network world. Let's hope this show doesn't go the way of the dinosaur unto extinction.

My rating: good start, now let the carno-devouring games begin.

4. Charlie's Angels. One episode said it all: some remakes shouldn't be remade. "Goodbye, angels." It's all beauty, slick, stylish and pretty lame.

My rating: Not this time, thank you.

5.  Dexter. This is some dark shit. If you let your kids watch this, you suck as a parent. That being said, Dexter is red hot and the reason cable is kicking the ass of network TV every week.

My rating: a "killer" of a show.

6. Hung. I am the only one in my household with any affection for this odd little show. It's inappropriate and naughty, naughty, naughty, but the humor is what saves it from being Skin-o-max and the show from taking the show too seriously. Thomas Jane understates and that's why his character works.

My rating: fun, light, good stuff.

Awfulness Revealed

Want a laugh?

Album covers are a thing of the past, but back in the dark ages, they meant something to us.There were some great ones, but then some absurd ones.


I don't think this truly qualifies as awful,
but annoying will do.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Loving the Awkwardness

Life can be full of beautiful mistakes
or glorious smartasses.
"Uh...pass the awkwardness Uncle Bill."
I want to do an entry on bad classical album art.
This might top the list.
I want to hear the audio, but this cover gives
me the major creeps. Rod Serling, anyone?

Everyone needs a hobby.

Someday I want to make an album.
But definitely not this one.
Add your own caption.
I draw the line at marrying outside of your species.
Audio- yes. Album cover-couldn't be more awkward
and super creepy. A masterpiece.

Tube Time

America's guilty pleasure: the television.
The best writing is here, folks.
Fall shows have debuted and here are few random thoughts:

1. Boardwalk Empire. This HBO original is on fire right now. Know when a show reaches that creative high point? That's where this show is right now. Watch it or miss some incredible characters.

2. Weeds. This season just finished up and it's time for this once clever and funny show to say bye-bye. The whole season's storylines were weak, pointless and just a rehash. Even the actors seemed bored.

3. Unforgettable. Poppy Montgomery has superior autobiographical memory, but can this gimmick be a compelling reason that brings back viewers? Methinks not.

4. Breaking Bad. I keep waiting for this series to begin to show signs of age or the storyline to become stale. It hasn't and every episode leaves you wanting more. Superb acting, twists and turns- watch the damn thing, ok? You're missing out. "Better call Saul."

5. Survivor. Every year when this starts, I feel like poor Sisyphus and his damned stone. "Now, I'll have to get used to another 16 castaways." What keeps this from extinction is the obvious: people are ultimately interesting to watch, even when they behave very poorly. Or in this year's case, when they begin to unravel mentally.

6. Two and a Half Men. Aston Kutcher is spot-on as a dim witted, billionaire, sex god. Charlie who?

7. Glee. Dullsville. Where's the humor? Where are the fun covers of rock songs? Dancing? The endless touchy-feeliness of teenage angst has become tedious. Yes, we know Kurt is gay and gay is ok (except when he's too gay by his own admission. Whatever the hell that means.), but having to be endlessly reminded of that fact is bordering on OCD. Yes, Rachel was born for Broadway. So let her go there and shine like the annoying. shallow theater nerd she really is. The best part of this show is the evil Sue Sylvester, but ratings have dropped because the show is trying out storylines that we aren't interested in.

8. Desperate Housewives. I find that my mind has been wandering, drifting in and out for about two seasons. It's time for this ham fest to be over. Everyone and everything about this series seems tired and way past its bedtime.

9. Kitchen Nightmares. Talk about formula. Ramsey comes in, acts courteous, tastes the food, it's horrible, then the spanking begins. Why then don't I get tired of the obnoxious, bottled blond, F-bomb dropping, Scotsman? Because the guy, after all his success and undoubted wealth, still gives two shits. You can't fake sincerity (unless your name is Johnny Velvet) and Ramsey acts as if its his restaurant that's on the line. I don't understand that level of commitment. I would have opted out to a private island and spent my days playing guitar in a hammock, but that's why he's a dynamo and I have a loser blog.

What's always interesting is the resistance Ramsey encounters when the delusional owner(s) come to realize that they have been, indeed, fucking up everything along the way.

10. The Playboy Club. No one decided to watch this Mad Men copy with the conviction that the show was going to have some substance amidst the bunny tails. I'm not saying this show has quite caught fire yet, but (spoiler alert) with the Mob, murder and political ambition set against the Hef pleasure dome, they are off to a pretty good start. Now, let's rev it up a bit. Ratings weren't great, but the party's just started.

11. Prime Suspect. Maria Bello has the chops to pull off the hardass female detective type, but I don't yet see anything that distinguishes it from the crowd.

12. True Blood. Some funny moments, some dramatic moments, but then it all feels like a cartoonish sitcom. Must everyone in Bon Temp have magical powers? How absurd. Look! The plot just turned into a bird! Or is it a werewolf?

13. Pan Am. Mad Men ripoffs without good stories never leave the runway. Also, a stewardess is going to be a spy? Good plan. Does anyone smell desperation?

14. Rescue Me. Despite its attempts in the last season to honor firefighters lost on 9-11, Rescue Me has been flat for the last two seasons. I really liked this show for a while, but it forgot its own strengths and when to pack it in. This last season rolled by with few highlights. It's bad when you notice the actors acting. Case is point was the big wedding day. That was amateurish. Not a good way to end a series that had such greatness.
15. Game of Thrones. This had some really good moments and then there were moments when I felt like I was watching a video game. It made me miss HBO's Rome. Come back Titus Pullo, all is forgiven. Kudos to scene stealer Peter Dinklage.

16. Fringe. This X Files copy was a little slow at first and then hit its stride and then some moron decided it was time to invent an alternate universe. Pleeeeease. Here's the alternate universe I'm up for: turning the channel.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Writing Certain Wrongs

Eno has his detractors, but I write that off as jealousy.
No one has written better ambient music (and other styles) than the man who
invented it. Like Cage, his ideas are seminal.
Preamble

Eric Tamm wrote a really good book on Brian Eno and for some reason, he is giving it away. I often come back to the section on 2/1 of Music for Airports. It's on page 117 if you download the PDF. Here's an excerpt.

The rhythm of “2/1” is serially organized. As Eno has explained, each long note was recorded onto a separate piece of tape, and each piece of tape was made into a loop of a different length. The relationships between the lengths of the loops “aren’t simple, they’re not six to four. They’re like 27 to 79, or something like that. Numbers that mean they would constantly be falling in different relationships to one another.” In fact, Eno did not measure the lengths precisely, but simply spun off what seemed like a “reasonable” amount of extra tape for each note. “And then I started all the loops running, and let them configure in the way they chose to configure. So sometimes you get dense clusters and fairly long silences, and then you get a sequence of notes that makes a kind of melody.”
Tamm explains that Eno ended up with these lengths: Approximate Duration of Pitch-Cycles in “2/1”

c’ eb’ f ab’ db’ f’ ab

21” 17” 25” 18” 31” 20” 22”

Tamm, like most rock cum classical (or vice versa) music writers, prats on a bit about serialism and Webern. It's all fine and dandy until you overthink it and try to put it into too large a frame.

The bottom line is that Eno created an incredibly beautiful piece of music with his usual flair of happenstance, creativity and his downright exquisite (and "untrained") ear.

Where doth the scribe leadeth us?

The Devil in the Details
Let these ideas roll around your head for years and then finally one day commit yourself to writing a piece using this process. The aim: write an ambient piece using Eno's 2/1 procedures.

I understand.
I did not write anything, but rather sampled a recording of John Cage's Music for Marcel Duchamp. I also sampled Raga 12 from 18 Mictrotonal Ragas. I took seven samples, to follow the Eno model, and I restricted myself to them. The original title, for lack of time to keep sane organization of the endless deluge of tracks that were sure to follow, was "John Cage Meets Brian Eno."

On July 6th, I began work, gathering the seven sounds and finally coming to a reasonable mixdown on the 19th. I would not say that I'm totally happy with the results as I am like a crack squirrel when it comes to finishing a piece and mixdowns. If I'm not careful, I can keep on mixing a piece until there are many versions of the same piece. More on this below.

Then the working title had to be changed. I choose "sound come into its own," from a John Cage quote, but then decided that title was too ponderous for this piece. I have settled on "in the fullness of time."

SIDEBAR: I find titles have the burden of meaning everything and nothing. Listeners can apply great meaning to titles and consequently look a little lost when something is intended to be ironic or tongue-in-cheek. When I was younger, I applied great sounding titles to my little half-baked ditties. The title expressed more than the music did. Now, titles are a means to an end. I would assign untitled 1, 2, 3 ad infinitum if it wouldn't be hellishly confusing.
What does it sound like?

Shit is the quick answer.

Naw, not really.


If the whole ambient thing bores the hell out of you, then this is not for you. I made my friend a CD and he said, "Charles Ives' Unanswered Question." It has an uneasy feeling about it for sure. I did not intend that feeling, it just came out that way. I wanted restful and got the opposite. Go figure.

SIDEBAR: One night, at the Slide Mountain Inn in New York - a place where sleep was often difficult and creepiness was in the air- I put on some early mixes of the piece that I had done. There was my Mac Book, glowing in the corner, playing this odd, shall we dare say, "piano piece"(?) and I had to get up and turn it off. It was like a bad acid trip coming on. Tres creep city, kids.

The link on soundcloud. A short version.


Here's what I learned from it:

1. This piece should move me.

This seems so obvious, but in the fury of embracing what seems to be a new path of composing, it is easy to think more of the process than the end result. Forest for the trees, etc.

2. Regardless of the process or procedure, you should (must?) end up with the piece you intended.

At one point, I had followed the Eno formula exactly, but it wasn't working with the sounds I had chosen. The procedure then has to be flexible and altered a bit.
3. Know when you've gone down the rabbit hole.

Oh God. This should be on every piece of electronic equipment, software or gizmo which promises to revolutionize your sound and/or your playing. That pursuit is indeed going down the rabbit hole. But, in a composing sense, I have learned by many a trip down the proverbial hole that sometimes you are just wasting time and going nowhere with the piece. Do I know this or what? I am discursive by nature and this one rule burns brightly in my mind. In fact, I said this to a colleague Tuesday night. We have both been seduced by technology, software and new ways of writing.

4. Not every "interesting" idea is worth pursuing.

Musicians who feed on finding new ways of expressing themselves often fall in love with every idea that passes through their minds; as if the wandering mind is to be totally trusted. (Diversions of this nature at rehearsals are a great example.) Some ideas greatly benefit the music, others simply waste time. Separating good from bad- there's the rub.

5. Each sound (or chord or melody) must be interesting in and of itself.

Not so easy. The samples I used were dull when subjected to repetition, so I had to go in and either find a better sample or process the sample and make it more complex or "interesting" (there's that no man's land word again).

6. Each sound should be able to bear repetition.

7. Dynamics are ok.

Wait a minute. Am I talking about being in a band here? Maybe, but dynamics are something that seem to be a lost art. Ditto tone color.

8.  Ask yourself, "What have I ended up with?"

9. Know when the piece is finished and when you are writing a new one.

The whole of revisions and mixing can lead to a rabbit hole of rewriting or writing a new piece. Have I wasted time on this before!

10. Restrictions are good.

Restraint, restraint, discipline, taste, balance. Wow, what a dinosaur am I.