Saturday, May 07, 2011

Start the Car, But Don't Get Crushed

"Effilina called and she's says you must get the car tonight!"

Just what I didn't want to hear. After work and my workout, I like to mellow with a well-deserved couch excursion or in the common parlance, nap. No nap, the Queen hath commanded. Thou murderer of sleep.

Once an idea enters my aunt's mind, it becomes like a brain worm. She can't stop thinking, fretting and worrying about it until it's done. She will actually get so upset that tears will follow. The car needed inspection and it was coming due the next day. If that inspection would be overdue, I'm quite sure she would go out of her mind.

I got dropped off and thought that this was gonna be easy.

Why do I tell myself such things?

The car didn't start. A familiar "click click click" told me that the battery was dead.

Rose, my aunt's caregiver, was there and so we had to roll the car out of the garage. "Put it in reverse," Rose suggested.
"Not neutral?"
"Nah, reverse."
Ok, let's see if it will roll. Imagine the scene: Rose, a large woman, is pushing from the front. I'm in between the car and the cabinets. The space is barely enough for an adult to squeeze in, let alone wrangle a 2,000 some pound vehicle with the door open.

CHUNK! The car stops. The door is stuck on the cabinet handle. Shit. Push car forward, let's try this again. Rose keeps saying, "Turn the wheel, turn the wheel!" Now, everyone knows that power steering doesn't work without the engine on, rather it's like turning a granite stone.

CHUNK! Same thing. More insistence: "Turn the wheel 'cause you're heading out crooked." The cabinet caught the door.

Now, I realize that I am between cabinet and car which is about to roll. Instantly, I remember an episode of Six Feet Under in which a poor bastard gets rolled over by his own SUV. This I think about as I get into the car as it begins the roll back. It was at the point where the car was gathering speed that a swift move had to be made and little room for a mistake. Mercifully, I got into the car and braked the car under control.

This, instead of a nap?

We jumped it and then I dropped the car off to be inspected. On the way home, I thought, "Gee, that could have gone real bad."  In almost every situation, I find myself playing out various scenarios, including the ugly ones. I can't help it. Too many TV shows and movies I suppose.

In this case, my paranoia served me well.

So, kids, stay alert, with a healthy dose of paranoia, skepticism and be wary of requests. Even those that come from beloved aunties.

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