Monday, January 18, 2010

Character Studies

We wear the mask that grins and lies
It hides our face and shades our eyes

Occasionally writers talk about their characters coming to life and begin a dialogue. I was wondering about some characters myself. I don't see faces yet, but I'm sure that will come.

I am probably suppressing some secret desires. I am jealous of others and try to derail other's dreams through reverse psychology. I believe I have a domineering personality.

I have low self-esteem because I find socializing awkward. I have no vices save a darkly personal one that makes me go to great lengths to satisfy it. This comes from low self-esteem.

I have a pleasant public face, acting sweet and innocent, but underneath I am ambitious without a conscience. I have intellectual vanity brought on by a domineering parent and my belief that I am not attractive.

I seek out company with the rich and influential because I want to be counted among them, but since I lack both, I never will be part of their world. Fundamentally, it's about the social hierarchy for me.

At my core, I am hedonistic and a seeker of luxury and comfort. An overinflated sense of self that alternates with a tendency towards depression. A fantasy life acts as a buffer between the real world and how I see myself.

I have no empathy for others because they are inferior to me. I have always sought out companions whom I felt were not my equals because I feel threatened by anyone who might be otherwise. I numb myself because I cannot recognize what caused the vacuum in my personality.

I have religious ideation because I want to believe that I am special. I believe myself to be in the know and am fascinated by controversy and conspiracy ideas and theories. This supports my idea of myself. I can be lazy and have little follow-through on my ideas.


Al said...

This character is well formed in your imagination, my friend. Sounds like someone I'd want to read more about. Could go many directions.

The Only Mister Ed said...

A rather long introduction for a simple game we call: "To Tell the Truth".