Damn it! My hopes are dashed!

Alas, my dreams of big city life, livin' large and swimming pools have all gone asunder. A reply to Mr. Dunn's email came back in seconds:

This is an automatically generated

Delivery Status Notification.

Delivery to the following recipients failed.

I am really mad because I quit all my jobs. I'll have to beg Mr. Barnes at the Donut Connection to get the night shift back.

The kindness of strangers

Just when I thought there was no more kindness and the spirit of generosity had been extinguished, I received this incredible email today. Gosh, I am so excited!!!!!

FROM: MR, FRANKLYN DUNN. JOHANESSBURG, SOUTH AFRICA.

You will be surprised to receive this letter from me since you don't know me in person, I am MR. FRANKLYN DUNN, The only son of the late MR. ABORO DUNN Chief Special Assistant to the IVORIAN Rebel Leader, My father was murdered in the fighting dispute between IVORIAN government and the Rebels in IVORY COAST.

(Gosh Gee whiz, Mister. You sure sound important! I am so lucky. So solly to hear about the murder of your father in, where? Ivoria? Ovaria?)

I decided to reach you due to prevailing circumstances the family is facing right now,Before the death of my father unknownly to me he deposited the sum of US$30,000, 000.00(THIRTY MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS] in a private security and finance company in Johanessburg.

(I know that you is a foreigner, mister, but your punctuaction is reel bad. 30 mil? Well, then you're on Easy Street, mister money bags! Gee, Johannesburg-that's the correct way of spelling it, by the way, according to Wikipedia is a long way from the Ivory Coast. But go on, cause I can see the swimming pool in my backyard already!)

General Clement Dusu Chief Rebel Leader ask my father to help him transfer the sum of $US45,000,000,00 the funds to FORIEGN ACCOUNT which was meant for procurement of weapons , my father paid initial deposit but used the opportunity to deposit this amount for the family in case of any unforseen circumstances.

(Not sure that number makes sense, but adding this up, Mr. Dunce, that makes about 80 million by my mathematiks. Yep. Gee Troy, why do you need me?)

. As a Refugees (ASYLUM SEEKERS) I am not allowed to operate any bank account or to be involved in any huge financial transaction and as the senior son I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign partner where this money could be transferred without any hitch.

(So, Le Revolution was not successful, eh? The Ivorites beat the Ebonites 64-53 in overtime and everyone must now wear elephant tusk jewelry? Ok, I hadn't heard about this rule. It seems to me that if there was a complete overthrow of any government then all assets would be frozen, neh? But I am not banker, play on, playa...)

If you therefore accept to assist us which I know you will, please do get in touch with me through email for more briefing on this business proposal. For your assistance I have two options for you First, you can choose to have a certain percentage of the money Secondly, you can go into partnership with me for the proper profitable investment of the money in your country. whichever option you choose feel free to notify me as I have also mapped out 5% of the total money to defray all the incidental expenses either of us may incur in the process of this transaction.

(Is we saying, like, $400,000 large be mine if we hook up, like financially? All for being a Foreign Partner? I feel very important now, whereas, before this email my life had no meaning.)

If you do not prefer a partnership, I am willing to give you 20% of the total sum while the remaining 75% will be for the family for investment in your country under your supervision. I therefore implore you to please maintain an absolute confidentiality of this matter even if you decide not to help me. This business proposal is absolutely risk free and 100% assurance, genuine and legal. Thanks and best regards. MR FRANKLYN DUNN.

Well, I responded to Mr. Dunn and am eagerly hoping for a reply. Everybody keep their fingers crossed. I might even pass out $100 bills on the street if I end up as rich as Mr. Dung promises.

I told him that my lawyer would be contacting him soon to discuss the details.

By Brains, Brawn or Sword

HBO's Rome returns showing the bloody body of the "tyrant" Gaius Julius Caesar lying on the Senate floor, dead from twenty three stab wounds. No historian, but even I know:kill one tyrant, replace with another. Read the commentary here from HBO's site.

When HBO is at their best, you sit a bit stunned after the episode is over. Violent, superb acting, great casting and very, very racy -this is Rome.

By the way, don't make yourself an enemy of these men, Lucius Vorenus or Titus Pullo. These lads are quite good with swords. In fact, these characters virtually steal the show whenever they are on the screen.

PARENTS: this is not for children, so record it and watch when little eyes aren't around. This is way, way too over the top for little ones.

Christmas Remains

Who can put all this stuff out?

And then get through the Holly-daze?

Then to put it all away in a timely manner?

Scrooge remains busy in his counting house.

Wanna be put away, buddy?

Bah! Humbug!

Are You Down with Mollusks?

Crawling up from the depths: giant mollusks! Run for your sacred bodily fluids! Protect the

love interest! Watch out for "secretions."

We watched this little B beauty on TCM recently and it was a hoot. "The Monster That Challenged The World" (1957)

It is your basic mysterious creatures, made monsterously huge by radiation, late 50's sci-fi flick.

Let's check off the cast:
1. You got your Caucasion Alpha Male Navel guy. His love interest (pictured) is a bit too young, but their bland dialogue is as slow as the plot.

2. Wacky scientist guy, designated by the habitual labcoat, is always talking in the science guy voice. One scence is very funny where he just happens to have a film (already set up in a projector) about common mollusks. He rattles on while we watch snails eat stuff. This I suppose is the educational (?) portion of the movie. Perhaps the scientific? Who the hell knows? But it's very funny.

3. Wacky map guy who keeps talking about proposition 14A. WE DON'T CARE!

4. Idiots keep going into the water though they know these killer mollusks are down there.

5. Idiot divers trying to blow up the mollusks in their shells, nearly kill themselves because one clown can't get the depth charge pin out. Their dialogue and struggle is hilarious.

6. Idiots who keep putting their hands in weird, sticky stuff to find out if it's weird, sticky stuff. (The scientist informs us that this is mollusk secretion. Thanks, doc. needed to know that. Let me stick my hand in that again just to be sure.)

The egg, safely kept in the lab, hatches. Who didn't see that coming?

After hatching, the monster attacks the "helpless" woman. Tough plot twist there.

Old guys shouldn't work at locks because mollusks lure them out with noises and then attack them from behind.

Follow below links for audio and video clips. Very useful to add in a mix for your friends.

http://www.badmovies.org/movies/challengew/index.html

http://www.1000misspenthours.com/reviews/reviewsh-m/monsterthatchallengedtheworld.htm

The bubble reputation

Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,
Is the immediate jewel of their souls:
Who steals my purse steals trash; ’t is something, nothing;
’T was mine, ’t is his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.

Watch This or Be A Cultural Wasteland

This is Captain Beefheart.
He is not easy to listen to
he is not background music
it won't win you any friends
the poetry is difficult (at first)
he seems nuts
the music disjoint
what the hell are they doing?

but trust me,
when you get it

it will be like a Mack truck

READ THIS

My main man Luther Guy is goin' nuts! Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Bring me my scissors and those on water!

(No explanation possible)

COLONEL KURTZ"Where are you from Willard ?"
WILLARD"I'm from Ohio, sir."
KURTZ"Were you born there ?"
WILLARD"Yes, sir."
KURTZ"Whereabouts ?"
WILLARD"Toledo, sir."
KURTZ"How far were you from the river ?"
WILLARD"The Ohio river, sir ?
KURTZ: "Uh-huh."
WILLARD: "About 200 miles."
KURTZ"I went down that river when I was a kid. There's a place in the river..
I can't remember... Must have been a gardenia plantation at one time. All wild and overgrown now, but aboutfive miles you'd think that heaven just fell on the earth in the form of gardenias...

Have you ever considered any real freedoms ? Freedoms -from the opinions of others... Even the opinions of yourself.They say why..., Willard, why they wanted to terminate mycommand ?"

WILLARD"I was sent on a classified mission, sir."
KURTZ"Ain't no longer classified, is it?
What did they tell you ?"
WILLARD" They told me that you had gone totally insane and that your methods were unsound."
KURTZ" Are my methods unsound?"
WILLARD" I don't see any method at all, sir."
KURTZ" I expected someone like you.
What did you expect?"

(Willard only shakes his head)

KURTZ" Are you an assassin?"
WILLARD" I'm a soldier."
KURTZ" You're neither.

You're an errand boy,
sent by grocery clerks

to collect a bill."

More Reasons to Shoot CD Liner Note Writers

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar
Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;
-Eliot

Alas, kiddies, just when we thought is safe to return to the placid waters of classical CD liner notes, dorsal fins appear. Fins of the faux intelligentsia, the cultural vangaurd or the people I just find so amusing.

No, wait! The correct term for these jokers is "programme annotators." You can't make this stuff up. At the end of the notes, it says "Bernard Jacobson is programme annotator for the Philadelphia Orchestra."

To begin your "essay" with this little cowpatty, "Less saturnine in utterance then the Sixth Symphony" is akin to putting up a red neon forty foot sign stating "I am writing for other writers." Saturnine? I am not the foremost literate person in the world, but I can not recall the last time I ever heard anyone use this word. Then there's "utterance." That's a fav among these classico word gorillas.

More gems: "cosmopolitan milieu" "Shostakovich's more direct introversion" and my favorite "...and banana-skin harmonic sideslips" WHA? Come again? Sorry, during my years of study this term never came up. Must have missed that day. Banana-skin harmonic sideslips?

What about "apple core kinesthetic lyricism?" Or "Indeed, the composer's sheer transcendent utterances mimic the post-Viennese pear-shape slipshod chromaticism of Nigel Tufnel." When do the fruit metaphors end? When programme annotators get real, baby.

I am not anti-intellectual, against analysis of music or any other art form, not by a long shot. Analysing a piece of music to discover its hidden structures and organizational designs is great fun, but therein lies a danger. The danger is, and I could name names, that the person falls into this state of academic stasis wherein all experiences use "education" (or the preordained opinions of colleagues) as a defense mechanism against the musical experience. The person, being so full of knowledge, never truly allows their humanity to surface long enough to truly experience music's message which transcends the intellect. This is not to suggest that music is merely an emotional experience. That's like saying Schindler's List is a nice movie with great cinematography. You missed a bunch of stuff, yes?

At the university, I can always tell when students are "full of it." Their little brains overflowing with theoretical ideas and facts. Like little puffer fish, they are swollen and bloated with newly found facts. Hurrah! But, I pray that they reach the next level and truly make music their own and not have it remain a distant, dry ("as wind in dry grass"), academic idea given to them by others.

There are many with "headpiece filled with straw." They occupy not only classical quarters, but in all forms of music with the exception being funk. It's impossible to be funky and be dead to the music. Bootsy (pictured) should teach at a university. It'd be the best goddam thing to ever happen. And when he does, sign me up. I'll be the old guy in the front row, trying desperately to get my groove on.

CD liner notes, part 2

More jewels from the musically pompous:

About the last movement of a symphony: "Simpson compares the nineth to a grinning skeleton which is dismissed by a harshly brilliant, irrepressible coda."

Grinning skeleton? Now, where does this cat get his mushrooms?

Other hints to know you are in the company of great writers: "poignant utterance" "luminous" "disquiet and foreboding" "rising terraces of keys"

I should get into the CD liner note biz. Why not this: "The composer has given us a vision of distilled inquietude marked by chromatic demarcations and a confluence of post-tonal gestures all topped off nicely with crumbled pathos and feta. Great with a nice Chianti!"

Feast Yer Eyes

This whole business of creating guitars has got my interest. While I love fine electric guitars, there is so much more to experience when holding a new acoustic guitar. It's almost overwhelming.

Electrics are a different animal entirely and no one can convince me otherwise. I don't know the work that goes into crafting either an electric or an acoustic, but there is something about the acoustic that says "authentic."

Certainly, when in the market for a new guitar, the whole process of selection is nerve-racking, but just browsing? No sweat.

Feast upon woods, sides, fingerboards, fretwire and guitar -what-have-yous.