Friday, February 26, 2010

Music: How to Be a Screw-up and End Up a Musician


Inspired by Mr. Ed's honest account of his path in music, I thought I'd follow suit with my own tale of my love of the art of sound.
PART ONE: The young lad as guitarist wannabe John Lennon.

When we read the lives of the great composers, it almost reads like mythology. One would suspect that hyperbole and fact get mixed up even in the bios of Mendelssohn or Mozart. I have no doubt that many are born with great gifts for music. I just wasn't one of them.

One thing's for sure, I was deeply affected by sound. I can remember crying one afternoon while my father mowed the lawn. I hated the noise. There's another memory I have of crying on a boat. The noise from the engine was too much. Yes, you can say it: I was a pussy boy. Forget me, imagine my poor dad. Probably thought his youngest son was a huge sissy. He never lived long enough for me to ask him. God love him.

As a kid, there was a 78 inch record we had of Laurel and Hardy where the sound of this horse neighing, no doubt just a voice-over guy doing a wacky impression, that would raise the hairs on my neck.
I do remember some marvelous music teachers that I had. One teacher taught us rhythm and pitch by getting us to sing these call-and-response songs: Who stole the cook-ie from the cook-ie jar?, the teacher would sing as we would all clap in time. Each kid would answer, usually a classmate, and we'd all fit that kid's name into the song.

Then came the miracle of 45 inch vinyl where I learned about the Fab Four, the Stones, Dave Clark Five and Motown. The Beatles came as thundering gods and their power came from the 45's that always had a paper sleeve and that small black disc that listed the song, artists and total time of the cut. Beatlemania was in full swing (even in the small mill town of Belle Vernon, PA) and I distinctly remember walking up an alley to a neighbor's house and my friend's sister was outside was spinning Eight Days a Week on one of those small, portable players. Of course, The Beatles were a firestorm on every level. John Lennon singing I Should Have Known Better is one of the reasons I became a musician. Today, that song still brings a rush of joy.

At another friend's house, we were horsing around in the basement and there was a small, very cheap electronic organ. The thing was really just a toy with about twenty keys and chord buttons. Whatever little horrible moaning and wheezing this thing did, I liked it, but it was not the instrument that caught my ear. That was to be the guitar.
I heard that revelatory sound one afternoon. On the front porch of my next door neighbor's house sat Timmy Koons with a guitar. He was showing a kid about my age a song on the guitar. I am going to say it was called, "69," because that's the only lyrics that were ever sung during this riff-based pop ditty. Soon, little me was over there watching intently as he demonstrated how the magic was done. I think he even let me try. The guitar was way too large for me, but still-that sound. That sound.

It wasn't until my parents got my brother a plastic guitar that the story of my musical life really began. You see, there is a great disconnection between the music that comes to you with great enjoyment and ease when it's played by other people, but it is a far, far different thing entirely when you try to make music on your own. This was a lesson to be learned.

My parents were getting a bit freaked by my brother's wild side and decided that a music instrument might be something to take him off his course of destruction. He had no interest, but I took a shine to it. Soon, I was jumping around the house, strumming the thing like mad. When I say jumping, my usual was to climb on the furniture and jump off like a maniac and as I said, strumming the damn thing like hell. Yes, I was generally considered (and still am) the more well behaved of the brothers. I can't imagine it right now telling you this story, but there it is.

This action of mine drove my brother insane and one day he placed the guitar on the floor and put his foot through it. Needless to say, my parents weren't happy and neither was I. No more guitars were brought into the house until my uncle, the wise man that he was, asked me at a family gathering, "Would you like to take lessons?" I said yes. What the hell did I know?

Soon, I was in "downtown" Charleroi taking lessons at Paranzino's. Waiting for my first lesson, I remember looking at all the music books and saying aloud, "I hope I don't have to read music." Oh, the rich irony. Every student who has fought me over reading might relish reading that.

Mr. Paranzino was a patient man his young student mixed up notes and stumbled through the music. The room was very quiet. Now, with thirty-three years of teaching experience, I wonder what was going through that man's head. All said and done, I enjoyed my weekly lesson.

I remember practicing the songs from the book in my room. When I had the bare basics mastered, little tunes like Reuben Reuben were really fun to play. It's hard to imagine HOW such a mature thought could have possible entered my head at such an early age, but when a friend was begging me to go out and play, I do recall thinking, "If your friends call you away before your finish your pieces, you might not learn to read music and play guitar." I was already protective of my guitar time. That has not changed in thirty-eight years.

Books came and went. Chords were learned, but music, especially the rock music I listened to, seemed unreachable. I didn't have a clue how to even begin to emulate or even play anything of what I heard. Again, that chasm between our listening life and the skills of making music on our own.

At this point, I think the guitar meant a chance to imitate Lennon or be in Alice Cooper's band, maybe attract a few girls, but basically I just liked it and nothing deeper than that.
I couldn't tell
If the bells were getting louder
The songs they ring
I finally recognize

Thursday, February 18, 2010

When in Rome


Starz has just started Spartacus: Blood and Sand. This series is a hoot basically. Ridiculous, over the top, cartoonish and some CGI that looks really fake. This is nowhere near the quality of HBO's Rome.
So, then why doth thou watcheth?

Because it is full of violence, nudity and really hostile, nasty characters. Plus, it's set in Rome and we know that the Romans set the gold standard for partying. There has been nothing done in the modern age that the Romans didn't do with more gusto. Party on, Romani!

Seriously, the central character just wants to reunite with his wife, but now is owned by a gladiator pimp named Batiatus. His wife is Lucy Lawless, who in real life, is married to the producer. Financial woes keep them in the gladiator game.

For all of the garishness (battle shed blood comes swooshing out as if in 3D real horrorshow like), the acting brings us back every week. Plus, from my perspective, Lucy Lawless is eminently watchable in anything, but hopefully in as little as possible. The series delivers along those lines.

Morality? What's that?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Damages

If you haven't been watching Damages, then my friends you are missing out. This season they are on fire. I can't exactly pinpoint why, but I think it's because the story lines are tight and despite the ever present flash-forwards, everything stays sharp and focused. The actors have a lot to do with it as well.

Glenn Close (Patty Hewes) is a nasty, steel-hearted lawyer who is unstoppable at getting what she wants. She will do anything to win and her actions from last season were, shall we say, unsavory. A shark is more noble than this character. Her face looks almost waxen and hollow, her eyes glassy and empty as if she is searching for something she has grown already weary looking for. Whatever victory she savors, it will not fill the vacuum of her soul. She is damaged.

Rose Byrne (Ellen Parsons) suffered greatly the first season. Her boyfriend was murdered and she spent the season uncovering all hideous manner of snakes and backstabbers trying to find out who and why he was killed. Now, away from Patty's clutches, she works for the DA. Wouldn't you know it? Patty Hewes and she begin to cross paths. Yikes.

These people play for real and there's already a murder of Hewes' longtime legal partner Tom Shayes.

Tightly wound like a Hitchcock thriller, thus proving that the best writing is on TV.




Thursday, February 11, 2010

Circle Around My Skull

Just some words that keep coming into mind.

This too is real.

When we start to believe that somehow other people's lives are far more important that ours, this little saying has been a comfort. I say it to myself every day, reminding myself that all life is real and equal.

All is Buddha.

Finding a task that I want to do, I tend to be a diligent German. I am bull-headed, determined and relentless. Consequently, I am annoyed at myself when I don't get things done quickly. I tell this to myself to make every small task enjoyable. If every act is Buddha (sacred), then we enjoy the process. I have a lot to learn though.

Monday, February 01, 2010

A Story

I like stories. Works of fiction. yeah.


Once in college, while living in a trailer off campus, I introduced two of my friends to some hashish. We were excited because it looked so beautiful and smelled so heavenly.

We placed a small chunk of it on a pin which was stuck through a piece of cardboard, lit it, then placed a glass on top of it. The smoke would fill the glass then each of us took turns inhaling it. The effect was almost immediate.

I decided to play some Pharoah Sanders because one of my friends loved jazz. The music was very atonal and explosive. My friend began to hold his breath and looked like he was about to have a convulsion. Seeing this, my other friend shouted,

"Take that off! Take that off! It's going to kill him!"

I Don't Get It


The Grammys mystify me. I think a lot music lovers don't take them seriously. And no wonder. The whole event is about two things: album sales and spectacle. Eye candy. I like spectacle, but this is about music, yes?

No.

Taylor Swift has had a helluva year. Beyond her cat-like looks and long flowing locks, I can't figure out why she is gobbling so many awards up. The songs have plenty of hooks, but shiny things, while they may grab our attention at first, don't hold our it for very long. The music is empty and soul-less. I imagine that Ms. Swift practiced every one of her facial tics and looks as she delivers her bags of sugar to the masses. She is perfect for the music star machine. Next will be Disney movies. Watch my word.

Beyonce grabbed six of them. In her case, I cannot discern a lick of originality or innovation (think Imogen Heap). Album sales. Good looks. She radiates sincerity as well. Great qualities, but where's the music? The Sasha product is nice to look at, but I ain't hearing nothing special. Plus, her traipsing in with these Halo military troops was weird. What did that have to do with the song?

The Black Eyes Peas have a good thing going on and it wouldn't have flown so high without Fergie, but they need to send a nice fat check to Kraftwerk. They merely have taken Kraftwerk to urban hip hop. Boom, boom, pow? The lyrics are embarrassing. Enjoy it now. It doesn't sound like good rap or hip hop to me either. Just watered down techno dance.

The love the surreal theatricality of Lady Gaga (Think Pin Up era Bowie with shades of Alice Cooper), but for all of the "look" of it, the music seems to be like wallpaper - only as set design. The duet with Elton John was...what? A musical love letter to each other? Are they dating or is just their makeup going steady?


Pink's performance was amazing. You just have to watch it. Best thing of the night.


I did enjoy Green Day as usual. Not bad for three guys from Seattle who have faked British accents, wear manliner and do the retro pop punk thing. Punk may be their flag, but hooks are the real Green Day. Not bad, dudes.

Kings of Leon won, but no performance. Odd.

Then the empty speech by the music industry suit. Please, speeches about how kids need music education? The only education they need is to find an agent.

What kid in his right mind is going to say to themselves: "Let me see, if I really want to master an instrument, I'm going to have to go to school for a least four years and practice at least 6 to 8 hours a day." Bullshit. Not one of those performances said to a kid that what you learn in school will help you to fame, fortune and the Grammy stage. This is not about education, but show business. I'm not complaining, just stating the facts here.

No Latino, jazz or classical. I mean, why would we want anybody like that on stage?